Dear Shalyn,
Today, in the month of December 2008, I, or you, am, or WERE, 19 years old. I owe you, my 30-year-old self, a testimony as a reminder of how it felt like to be 19 this year. It suddenly struck me if I have a chance to meet my future self, what would I tell myself? Well, here is what you ought to know.
How are you, today? Not as messed up as always, are you? If you're married, I hope your marriage is all well. If my future husband is a jerk, please, I, your 19-year-old self would rather be a spinster. Drop that bugger for me, will you? If you're so in love, then okay go ahead. Just don't get carried away! But if you haven't found our prince charming, all the better. YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN WHAT WE LIVE FOR, HAVE YOU? *knock knock!*
I am surprised you even made it this far. 30, wow. THAT'S really cool, technically, for a 19-year-old like your old you here. What have you been up to? Not a typical workaholic, I hope. If you are, you should consider taking time-off. I mean, seriously. This is the only life you're certain that you have, you know. You're already 30. It's a new start, but still, you're not me anymore!
Anyway, being 19 this year is a big mark for me though it might seem minute to you, my 30-year-old self. I felt like I've aged 5 years this year. I am learning more about myself each day. If you remember, 10 years ago, or in my case, next year, we'll be on our way to America: Our first time so far away from home. I am melancholic but all the same, ecstatic. We love learning about everything so much, don't we?? I certainly hope you haven't lose yourself again. I see my 30-year-old self as being so successful. You would have overcome our old weaknesses.
Back to being 19. This is the year we fought a battle with ourselves, remember? More like a mental battle. It sounds silly to most of our friends but it is strictly personal, right? Have you forgotten? I'm here to remind you. What fools we were! It took place in college, where we were so determined for our first time to score all As to get on the list? They say no female sex has ever made it despite some who scored 4.0 but weren't qualified? Oh, and despite our downfall the previous semester where we took five subjects in a semester but our CGPA committed suicide? Not only that, certain people tried to slander us by taking five bold subjects AGAIN despite our downfall where they said, "What? You're taking five subjects AGAIN?" We have never fought with such determination. Our first major victory! I was so proud of us! We won against our worst enemy: Our self-doubt. Silly us!
And this is also the year we stopped believing in God. I, here, still believe in a super major power but it isn't God. If there is one, I'd blame him but the thing is, he does not exist. We've finally made up our little minds that mankind created "God" as an excuse for everything that failed or is inexplicable. We stood on a new thought. That we should believe in ourselves before believing in others, including any other super powers or "God". We were never our own worshippers until we fought the little battle against ourselves. Ironic, isn't it? I definitely hope you love yourself more than ever, now. I haven't loved myself entirely at this age. I am just like others, still falling into ditches and picking myself up. It hurts to fall and found only ourselves in the pitch dark ditch. Finding ourselves will be much better than no one at all, I'll always console myself. So, don't go losing yourself again. Treasure yourself. Promise me that!
It is not that I can't rely on other people but your 19-year-old self learned the hard way that yes, people say they will be there (I'd always blame them when they're not. I'd rather they don't make empty promises.) but they're not because I finally understand no one can really be there for us except ourselves. Because everyone has their own battles to fight and because everyone has got their own problems. I still hate them once in awhile. Are you still in touch with our fellow friends? Don't tell me you've lost them. Find them back if they haven't tossed you into the trash can. Other than that, feel free to move on. Oh and about the worthless guys you fretted over like I did, even this year,too? You're worth more than that, please. For goodness's sake! Hear it from me, your 19-year-old self!
I think those are the major points I'd like you to know. Promise me you'd put yourself first. Without you, our dream will not come true! We were never the beauty queen or a supermodel but we are all we've got, remember? Actually, I'm writing, unsure if you'll still be alive because life is so unpredictable. I might get run over by a truck after writing this testimony and heck, it wouldn't be read by you. I am also writing in hope you'd remember who you really are. Love your family and those friends who are left. I love you. Remember that always! Whew, what a letter!
Lots of hugs and kisses,
Your beloved 19-year-old self
Today, in the month of December 2008, I, or you, am, or WERE, 19 years old. I owe you, my 30-year-old self, a testimony as a reminder of how it felt like to be 19 this year. It suddenly struck me if I have a chance to meet my future self, what would I tell myself? Well, here is what you ought to know.
How are you, today? Not as messed up as always, are you? If you're married, I hope your marriage is all well. If my future husband is a jerk, please, I, your 19-year-old self would rather be a spinster. Drop that bugger for me, will you? If you're so in love, then okay go ahead. Just don't get carried away! But if you haven't found our prince charming, all the better. YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN WHAT WE LIVE FOR, HAVE YOU? *knock knock!*
I am surprised you even made it this far. 30, wow. THAT'S really cool, technically, for a 19-year-old like your old you here. What have you been up to? Not a typical workaholic, I hope. If you are, you should consider taking time-off. I mean, seriously. This is the only life you're certain that you have, you know. You're already 30. It's a new start, but still, you're not me anymore!
Anyway, being 19 this year is a big mark for me though it might seem minute to you, my 30-year-old self. I felt like I've aged 5 years this year. I am learning more about myself each day. If you remember, 10 years ago, or in my case, next year, we'll be on our way to America: Our first time so far away from home. I am melancholic but all the same, ecstatic. We love learning about everything so much, don't we?? I certainly hope you haven't lose yourself again. I see my 30-year-old self as being so successful. You would have overcome our old weaknesses.
Back to being 19. This is the year we fought a battle with ourselves, remember? More like a mental battle. It sounds silly to most of our friends but it is strictly personal, right? Have you forgotten? I'm here to remind you. What fools we were! It took place in college, where we were so determined for our first time to score all As to get on the list? They say no female sex has ever made it despite some who scored 4.0 but weren't qualified? Oh, and despite our downfall the previous semester where we took five subjects in a semester but our CGPA committed suicide? Not only that, certain people tried to slander us by taking five bold subjects AGAIN despite our downfall where they said, "What? You're taking five subjects AGAIN?" We have never fought with such determination. Our first major victory! I was so proud of us! We won against our worst enemy: Our self-doubt. Silly us!
And this is also the year we stopped believing in God. I, here, still believe in a super major power but it isn't God. If there is one, I'd blame him but the thing is, he does not exist. We've finally made up our little minds that mankind created "God" as an excuse for everything that failed or is inexplicable. We stood on a new thought. That we should believe in ourselves before believing in others, including any other super powers or "God". We were never our own worshippers until we fought the little battle against ourselves. Ironic, isn't it? I definitely hope you love yourself more than ever, now. I haven't loved myself entirely at this age. I am just like others, still falling into ditches and picking myself up. It hurts to fall and found only ourselves in the pitch dark ditch. Finding ourselves will be much better than no one at all, I'll always console myself. So, don't go losing yourself again. Treasure yourself. Promise me that!
It is not that I can't rely on other people but your 19-year-old self learned the hard way that yes, people say they will be there (I'd always blame them when they're not. I'd rather they don't make empty promises.) but they're not because I finally understand no one can really be there for us except ourselves. Because everyone has their own battles to fight and because everyone has got their own problems. I still hate them once in awhile. Are you still in touch with our fellow friends? Don't tell me you've lost them. Find them back if they haven't tossed you into the trash can. Other than that, feel free to move on. Oh and about the worthless guys you fretted over like I did, even this year,too? You're worth more than that, please. For goodness's sake! Hear it from me, your 19-year-old self!
I think those are the major points I'd like you to know. Promise me you'd put yourself first. Without you, our dream will not come true! We were never the beauty queen or a supermodel but we are all we've got, remember? Actually, I'm writing, unsure if you'll still be alive because life is so unpredictable. I might get run over by a truck after writing this testimony and heck, it wouldn't be read by you. I am also writing in hope you'd remember who you really are. Love your family and those friends who are left. I love you. Remember that always! Whew, what a letter!
Lots of hugs and kisses,
Your beloved 19-year-old self
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