Oh Yes, A Living Hell!

I just had to write about this. This is something I will remember for a pretty long time. No, it isn't a happy thing. Here goes nothing! :

I noticed many years ago that I am terrified of creatures with either too many legs or no legs at all. I mean, yeah, sure, many of us are afraid. No big deal.

Oh boy, I have to tell you how wrong I was!

The weather forecast says that Oregon will be expecting alot of rain this week. Last week when Jasmine told me that, I was like, okay, it's just rain. I can handle it.

AND, here's what made my life these days a living hell. When it rains, guess what comes out to the ground? EARTH WORMS. YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. So, on the walkways, there are earthworms. Some are moving, some are dead, either drowned or trampled on, WHO CARES.

On Monday, I found out the extent of my fear for worms. It wasn't so bad at first. I walked on the pathways and I just avoid trampling on the worms. After class, it was drizzling still, I learned that the book and CDs I ordered from the library has arrived. So, I make my way to the library. To my horror, there were waaayyy more worms along the way than the paths I used this morning! I was cringing along the way and I almost cried when I FINALLY reached "heaven" or, the porch of the library. (*&^%$!) I was practically shivering with fear. This. Is. So. Wrong. Isn't it??

Oh the worst has yet to come. I have to make my way BACK to my hall. I don't have to elaborate further. If you saw me at that time, my face would be green in color. I lost my appetite that afternoon. Another item arrived later that evening, but until now, I have yet walked to the library to collect it.

And it has been raining last night and today, too. I was on the verge of tears getting from one place to another, especially last night. I know Tajie's friend and Jasmine told me, don't look down. BUT AT CERTAIN POINTS, I JUST HAPPEN TO SEE THEM AND AT NIGHT, THEY WERE WORST BECAUSE THEY WERE MORE ACTIVE IN THE DARK. Okay. Stop. Stop.

I made an improvement today. I managed to look straight 60% of the time when walking and was 5% further from tears when I reach one building. Well, I ran for 10% of my journey because I just couldn't take it.

Yes. One living hell. I don't mean to hate earthworms or any other worms (Tajie thought it was funny. Thank you, sis.), but I don't understand it myself, they just creep the hell out of me. Please stop raining! *&^$#@!

A Candle-light Party!

Sunday, February 22nd 2009

At noon, my roomie, Amber, and her mom will drive me back to her place for a candle-light party! It is not as romantic as what you are thinking. It is actually a party hosted by my roomie's mom, Tammy. She prepared snacks like crackers, cheese, sausage bacon, fruits, etc. and here's the candle-related part: A consultant selling candles and candle holders will be there to display her products. They were gorgeous! There was this piece which I just can't get my eyes off, a 30 cm square frame made of 350 pieces of hand-assembled colored glass. And when you light the candles in the frame, what a sight! I wish I could get that but it comes with a hefty price tag as well, USD 84!!

Amber has more than 9 cats at home, if I get that right. Her grandma mentioned there are 9 kittens in the yard, and I saw three huge ones inside the home. Yes, HUGE. I have never seen such big cats! I was so afraid that I might get scratched! Whew!

I ended up buying a USD10 set of Velvet Rose candles, which was on sale. I wanted so badly a candle holder where the statue of Buddha sits in a meditating pose and you can light a candle in front of him. It was dark brown in color and it just looked so awesome! Too bad...better luck next time!

I stayed on for dinner after that. I had a wonderful time playing the games the consultant prepared! Unfortunately, I didn't win anything. Again, better luck next time!! What a bummer.

And, no, I forgot to take pictures!! Darn. Please don't rub that in!

Lunch with My Host Parents

Tuesday, February 24th 2009

Let's wind up back in time to my international student orientation day. We were told, that Linfield has a Friendship Family Program. In this program, we can choose whether or not we want to participate and the school will do its best to match each of us to a family. So, I received an email from my host mom today and she wishes to meet up real soon. Oh, she also emailed a photograph of her and one of her two daughers, Lillian (Picture below). My host mom's name is Genne Sherman and my host dad's name is Dick Sherman. They are both retired now and two of their daughters are married with two children each. She ended up calling me and we are going to meet up tomorrow right after my class at 9am! Genne is the one in the red coat in the picture below.

Wednesday, February 25th 2009



So like I told you, my host mom is meeting me today. I sent a photograph of me but she couldn't receive it, which means she has no idea how I look like. When I spotted her in the same red coat, I went up to her. We were supposed to have some breakfast at Cornerstone, a small cafe off campus but the cafe was full. After she got me a scone, she drove me back to her home, or, my home here in McMinnville! According to her, the house is undergoing a remodelling. The whole process began last September and was SUPPOSED to be done by Christmas but...nope, it hasn't completed.



Before we reach her place, we stopped by a kindergarten to pick up Sophia, one of the three little children she takes care off. Sophia is five and her parents are Genne's daughter's best friends. Oh, Sophia gave me a picture she made. Ha! She can be quite talkative!



Genne's place is not too far off campus if compared to how far Walmart was. As the wooden floor in the living room hasn't been all polished, they have a card table and a few chairs in the living room. The rest of the furniture have been moved upstairs. Well, it wasn't that bad for a house undergoing reconstruction.



Genne made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for lunch. It was a pretty simple sandwich and it was yummy! It is something I can make for myself, too. Now, THAT is an idea! They were a really friendly couple. They asked many questions about where I live and how Malaysia is, and Dick printed out the map to locate where Malaysia is. Oh, boy, it was a test to all the Geography subject which I practically returned to my respected teachers say, 5 years ago?! Hmm...I'm 20 years old already. Bah, that's irrelevant! Now back to the topic.



Genne and Dick will be going down to Seattle to watch her grandson play basketball this weekend and she invited me along. So I'm going to Seattle! I wish Sophia could go too but she can't. Oh well. I personally believe that my mouth is jinxed. It's like, when I feel happy, I am being reminded that when I'm the most enthusiastic about something, another thing will be taken away from me. For example, before I came, we were supposed to go down to San Francisco for Spring break. Boy, I was thrilled! Guess what? It didn't work out. I was SO disappointed, so, no high hopes, 'coz you know what they say, greater expectations bring greater disappointment if things don't turn out the way we want!



And now, I'm back in my room! I had a really new experience today.

There will be a "belated" Chinese New Year dinner for us international students later and I'm really looking forward to that!

Yes, and my camera. Check!

I Found Myself On Someone Else's Bed

I woke up to find myself in someone else's bed. This is not my bed. No, correction: This is going to be my bed for the next coming months. Ha! Ironic, isn't it. One week ago, I was snoozing comfortably in my bed. Not today, not tonight, not anytime soon.

It is exactly one week since I arrived here on campus. I remember that the few days after I arrived, I was drained of energy. But not to worry, I'm catching up. I apologize for the confusion. Too much of abstract details. Let's get down to the facts:

Where I am:
Linfield. In a small, tiny town in Oregon.

When did I arrive:
5th February 2009. I left my home on the 4th February.

And Oregon is:
On the westcoast of US. In other words, gazillion miles away from Penang, Malaysia.

And I'm here because:
I have to complete my undergraduate studies.

And when is that?
About...2 years to 2.5 years at most.

What do I plan to do after that?
I don't know. Stop asking stupid questions!

How's the food here?
Great, actually! I was initially under a "standard" meal plan, which means I get 9 all-you-can-eat meals (7 dinners and 2 brunches during weekends) plus USD725 to spend in the miscellaneous stores and cafes if I'm ever tired of cafeteria food. However, the balance is only able to be brought forward from Fall to Spring, not Spring to Fall. So I switched to the "mini" plan, which consists of the same 9 meals plus USD330 to spend.

How's the weather like?
Huh. One word: Unpredictable. One moment it is sunny, one moment it is snowing, one moment, we have rain plus snow. But not too serious. The snow so far hasn't managed to cover the entire ground. And it is really, really cold outdoors, until I can't feel my lips when I walk from one place to another.

Have I started smoking?
Literally, yes. I EXHALE "smoke" when I'm outdoors. Thanks to the weather, everyone "smokes" here. Even dogs. Ha! That was a joke, you get it, right.

Do I have a roommate?
Yes, she's an American. Frankly, she reminds me of myself. Plus, SHE HAS A GIGANTIC JOHNNY DEPP POSTER ON THE WALL. Go, Johnny!!

Have classes started?
Yes. Today is my fourth day of class. Halt, don't ask. I know what your next question might be: What classes am I taking this semester. One Math class, one Art class, one Accounting class, and one Music class. A wide variety.

For Math, it isn't calculus or algebra, this subject is more of...a brain bomb. I have puzzles to solve. According to the Prof, this subject is supposed to help us ease our fear of numbers. BULLSHIT.

And for Art, I got my first assignment: To describe a painting. We get to choose from the pictures the Prof gave. So I'm stuck with Salvador Dali's "Persistence of Memory" for this semester. Woohoo, "great", because my second assignment is to interpret that drawing. "Perfect". But anyway, I kind of like that. I'm an Art-sy person if you don't already know.

As for Music, we are to "run" through the entire history of western music in less than 15 weeks. "Great". But not too bad.

And for Accounting, the professor happens to be my advisor. Cool, right! He is a really hyped and perky, and very helpful chap. Very lovable! And I owe him big time for borrowing his older version of the text he is using to me. Oh, and the music class professor as well! She also willingly borrowed me her older edition of the text!

Do I feel homesick?
Let's just be honest. Yes, I do, of course I would be. I am so far away from home. My grandmother is the greatest cook in my entire world, my three little sisters brought into my life chaos I could NOT live without, my parents has been there since forever, I miss mom, I miss dad and now they are so far away! Things are so expensive here and I'm spending my dad's hard-earned money. I wouldn't exactly say I'm homesick. I get sad at the fact that the moment I was on the plane to somewhere far for the very first time, I am not going to be the little girl I have been. I won't be there to watch over them. Things will be entirely different. I'm on my own now. But I know, this is my decision. And I will not fret over it.

I remembered what so many of my relatives commented and asked why I hadn't choose to study abroad later. This is what you have to know. I know I'm spending a whole lot; my cost every month is more than what my dad earns each month, he calculated. So why for my undergraduate? I could have studied abroad when I'm older. Here is it: I am going to be 20 this June. To me, being 20 is an entirely new phase, but it, too, is a phase which drills fear into my skull, the fear of not knowing the purpose of my life. I knew at once I had to throw myself hard on the floor of life and push myself to see how far I can go, and maybe, just maybe, I'd find myself. They say if we don't fall, we don't learn. Then, this huge opportunity came knocking on my door. What did I do? I grabbed it. I'm not going to wait around and regret. I am selfish, but I know in my heart I can make something great out of this, and mark my words, I will. I am so sorry, mom, dad, gran, and sisters, but I know in my heart this is for the best. Wait for me. I'll make it.

Alritey, I'm done talking to myself. Post questions, if you are curious! And if you care. And I'll try my best to answer them. LOL =) My first official entry for the ACTUAL purpose of this blog!

You'll Read This, Won't You?

Like a random leaf on a tree,
Like a grain of sand swept by the waves,
Like you and I thrown into this world,
I did not get a say,
About who or where I'd rather be.
No, I didn't.
I didn't think you did, did you?
Beyond my reach,
The world revolves,
Just like a bus,
Going on a never-ending journey.
And the world doesn't care about the leaf,
Nor it does about the grain of sand,
Nor it does about the leaf,
Nor about you or me,
I am just a passenger in this world,
Not knowing where I'm from,
Not knowing when the ride will stop.
I really don't know.I don't think you know, do you?But what made us so different?
Leaf from leaf,
Grain from grain,
You from me,
Was it because of where we were born?
I wonder.
You'd wonder too, won't you?Just like the leaf,
Regardless how great,
And the grain of sand,
Regardless how great,
And you and me,
Regardless how great,
We come, undecided,
We leave, undecided,
And, we fall undecided too.
As the leaf rode by the winds,
As the grain of sand swirled with the waves,
As you and I wade through our days,
The leaf falls,
The grain of sand falls,
I fall.
I think you do,too, don't you?

It doesn't matter when the leaf touches earth,
Undecided.
It doesn't matter when the grain of sand greets the sun,
Undecided.
It doesn't matter when you and I will be pushed off this ride,
Undecided.
No, it doesn't matter.
At least, I don't think it did, do you?What matters, is what's in between,
Before the leaf kisses the earth,
Before the grain of sand snuggly fits the beach,
Before you and I get of the ride,
What's in between-
What should have been?
Or what's left?
It keeps you thinking, doesn't it?

When the leaf bids goodbye to the winds,
It leaves behind a trail of wind, or nothing at all.
When the grain of sand bids goodbye to the waves,
It leaves behind a trail of wave, or nothing at all.
When you and I bid goodbye to the other passengers,
What do you want to leave behind?
A trail of footsteps? Or nothing at all?
I know you're thinking now, aren't you?
Our journey is undecided,
Like the leaf knows,
So it decided to ride well before it touches the earth,
Like the grain of sand knows,
So it decided to swirl in the best waves before it reaches the beach.
Like you and I know,
So what have you decided?
I decided to make this journey one to remember,
Because not like the leaf,
Because not like the grain of sand,
We, have you and I.

And THAT, made a whole lot of difference.
At least, I thought so, didn't you?

Something My Mom Hasn't Yet Know

I've passed that gate umpteen times but I've never thought of entering. Yesterday, I made my first turn into the compound.

A friendly, elderly lady informed someone and another elderly Indian lady welcomed me into her office. She is the centre's administrator; pleasant and very unlike the grim, old security guard I met on my way in. Then, we chatted for a brief moment and I explained my situation and how long I plan to drop by. One of the questions she asked was, "So, what is your course of study?"

"Finance?" I replied, knitting my brows with big, invisible question mark above my head. Now what does that have to do with...

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just trying to find out if there is a connection between what you do and why you might be here," she said.

Oh.

I came to the conclusion that many others must have dropped by with something under their sleeves. Well, I have none.

Anyway, let's talk about the following today when I told the administrator I'd drop by again. It was this morning, 8.30am. From there, I was led by the administrator who took me around and into a gym where I'd be spending one hour with a teacher/instructor. Well, I'd be a regular person in that gym for the following three weeks. Okay, so really, I myself needed a gym BUT, that was not why I was there. Huh, think again!

The instructor called for a girl around the age of eight. The little girl hobbled her way to the instructor and I, smiling. Boy, I was clueless.

"All you have to do is to watch her. Make sure she does her stretching exercises somewhere safe. Against the wall. She is unable to maintain her balance."

Here's a new term I learnt today:

Cerebral Palsy
Symptoms can be as simple as having difficulty with fine motor tasks like writing or using scissors, or as profound as being unable to maintain balance or walk. Severely afflicted patients may have involuntary movements, such as uncontrollable hand motions and drooling. Others suffer from associated medical disorders, such as seizures and mental retardation.

In my first 4 hours of presence in the building, the symptoms presented themselves to me as children and teenagers with the disability live their normal, routine lives: learning to speak, read, count, swim etc. I was an outsider, really. It was a whole new world I've never known.

"The Spastic Children Association of Penang".

I wonder what else life will teach me in my following weeks at the centre. It is something my mom hasn't found out YET. I'll let her know, maybe later. (Pauses to think.) Yeah. Later.

Ask Any Tadpole...

I'm just dropping in to share one analogy I learnt from Ajahn Brahm; one like those other things which seem to have found their places in our hearts, sometimes. Here is how I'd like to tell it (AND how my poor memory remembered it!) :

Ask any tadpole about water. 'What is water, do you know, o' lil' one?'

Isn't it obvious tadpoles live in water, the H2O we learnt in highschool? Bah, stupid tadpole, don't you know.."water"?!

The lil' one will turn to its friends and shrug. The tadpoles are all clueless of what they have been surrounded with throughout their tadpole lives!

But just you be patient and wait, said the determined lil' tadpole. I'll find out what it means!

And truth betold, that tadpole grew into a frog and is finally free to leap out of what it has been surrounded for all its life.

As the tadpole sat on land by the water, he looked down at what he emerged from.

Aha! So THAT is 'water'!

Doesn't this analogy sound familiar to you? We have been surrounded by 'life' for all our lives, just as the tadpole by 'water'. Think about it. I just find this analogy really fascinating and really eye-opening. Ask any tadpole!